Summary: Stop relying on the default “one-script” sex routine. Instead, become intentional about building sensuality and emotional connection. Quality matters more than frequency.

Reflection Prompt: What is your current “sexual script”? How could you introduce more sensuality into it?

Exercise: Write down your current “sexual script.” Then brainstorm one way you could make it more sensual (ex: longer kisses, massage, music).

If You Prefer To Read--Here's the Video's Transcript

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your sex life. You will spend the next 28 days becoming the architect for your sexual and sensual pleasure.

When I ask couples what they do to make their sex life enjoyable? Their response is–and I'm paraphrasing here–absolutely nothing! Unfortunately, what too many couples do is to unintentionally make their sex life worse. Fighting about sex. Blaming each other about sex. Withholding sex. But don't worry, this isn’t your fault because no one taught you pleasure. That's why we’re here–to figure this out. 

Sex and intimacy are a team sport. You and your partner share the same goal: to enjoy your sexual experience equally. This is a team effort, so go in with the mindset that you both will do whatever it takes to make sex work for you. 

The majority of couples have one sexual script: Penis vagina intercourse with a focus on orgasm. And sometimes it's exactly what you want and need. But just like having the exact same meal 365 days a year, over many years, even if it were the most delicious meal, you would grow tired of it. Plus, focusing on this very mechanical way of having sex can put pressure on you or your partner, often resulting in the opposite of what you want: anxiety, stress, and avoidance.

Here’s the problem: Couples absorb these negative feelings and begin to conflate the idea of sex being initiated with all of these negative feelings. Not to be glib, but can you appreciate that when you focus on what's wrong with your sex life, it can't be something that brings you fulfillment? I hope it also makes sense that if you want to have an extraordinary, mind-blowing sex life, you have to create a safe space where both of you can be vulnerable.

This means you understand the distinction between what you want and what you need. Many couples believe what they want is sex advice like, "Use all ten fingers to find her G-Spot." And yes, finding her G-Spot is fantastic, but it's a band-aid covering a deeper issue. Instead, what you need is to nurture a positive, emotional connection so that when it's time to have sex, she feels emotionally connected and safe. FYI–Once you have that emotionally connectedness in place, it’s infinitely easier to find her G-Spot.

Here’s another misnomer: Couples tend to focus on the quantity rather than the quality. When we think about fixing our sex lives, many couples believe upping the frequency will magically help your sex challenges.

Couples don't NEED to have sex three times a week. Sex once a year that blows your socks off is better than having mediocre sex three times a month.

Instead, couples need to take the focus off giving each other an orgasm and direct it to nurturing the emotional intimacy and building up the sensuality between them. Sensuality is where your pleasure lives. 

Your new mantra: It's not about the quantity but the quality. 

To make the times you do have sex, passionate, meaningful, and full of mutual communication. You're looking to create a sense of your partner feeling wanted without pressure or expectation. It fosters aliveness and romance in the relationship, often sparking desire. And make sure to affirm and appreciate your partner's efforts!

Your challenge is: You will focus on sensuality rather than, I get you off, you get me off and we’re done in under 15 minutes.

On day two we’re going to discuss how women love sex … but … sex goes from something that makes her feel good to something that makes her feel bad.