Your Sexual Choices Equals Your Sex Satisfaction

What You’ll Learn

• The choices you make before, during, and after sex affect are directly linked to whether you enjoy or do not enjoy sex. This is also known as your sexual mindset.

• If you don’t like the sex you’re currently having; you can make different choices to get different sexual results.

• Taking responsibility for the sexual choices you currently make gives you the power to change them.

• Making new choices is your ticket to sexual freedom.

This blog is either going to be emancipating or upsetting.

Sexual choice is a sleeper topic and something you’ve probably never considered. Yet, the choices you make before, during, and after sex are behind the wheel and driving your sexual experience. 

Your sexual choices equate to your sexual experience.

What Is a Sexual Choice?

Choosing involves considering different options, weighing pros and cons, and deciding on one particular course of action. For example, when sex is initiated, you weigh the pros and cons and decide whether you’re going to have sex. From that, you make a yes or no decision. 

Let’s expand that to a single sexual encounter that is made up of a multitude of conscious and unconscious choices. And because you’re making so many choices quickly, they’re all jumbled together into one big visceral response.

To help make sense of this, here is a typical sexual situation a woman finds herself in and the choices she tends to make. Identify one choice that you may be making based on this example. Then, take that choice to the second half of this blog, to find out how you can make a different sexual choice. 

Typical Sexual Choices You Make

Because women are socialized to be a passive player in her sexual experience, she lets her partner initiate sex (a choice). 

Like many women, she resents that the sex was initiated at an inconvenient time but feels trapped and can't say no (a choice). 

She wants her partner to see that she has a lot going on (a choice), which makes it difficult for her to get in the mood.

During sex, she only does what her partner wants to do (a choice) and never asks for more (a choice). 

Ironically, even though, like so many women, she doesn't like what her partner is doing (a choice), there's a good chance she will pretend to enjoy it (a choice) and fake an orgasm (a choice) just to get sex over with quickly (a choice). 

When the sex is over, she will probably be unhappy about how it went and believe it was a waste of her time (a choice).

Why You’re In a Sex-Rut

Each of these small choices can lead you down a giant rabbit hole of negative emotions. Knowing what sexual choices you’re making is important because each choice creates a response pattern(s) for how you react and interact with your partner.

In addition, the brain's emotional centers never sleep and constantly send messages to the rational brain, which is part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. This means emotions are tied to every single sexual choice you make. 

Why is this important? Studies show women experience the emotion of memory the same way she did when it first happened. It could be ten years later; and if that memory surfaces, she will experience the exact emotions. Meaning that when you make a sexual choice that you’re not happy about, chances are you’re going to relive this unhappy emotion over and over again.

By making the same sexual choices over and over again, women soon find themselves stuck in a predictable and cliché not-wanting-sex rut which can impact her self-esteem.

You Are Responsible For Your Choices

It’s okay if you’re feeling resistance to the idea that you are in control of your sexual experience. The majority of women are socialized to go along with what their partner wants to do during sex. 

Meaning many women don’t believe she has a choice. That she doesn’t have to put up with her current sexual experience. Or that she can ask for something different.

It’s similar to resisting the idea that women hold power in their sexual experience because women are usually the gatekeepers of sex. And whoever is gatekeeping is in charge of when and how sex happens. We’ll save that for another blog.

At the heart of so many fights around sex is who controls the sex. Both men and women feel like victims. When you take responsibility and make new, conscious choices, you are no longer a victim. Although taking ownership of your choices is challenging, it can alleviate couple tension.

Be aware of any push back you may have about taking responsibility for the sexual situation you've created. There is zero shame or blame–there are millions of couples in the same sexual predicament as you.

Make New Sexual Choices

Making new healthy sexual choices is straightforward. The first is to believe that you are not stuck. You do have options.

You're not stuck. You're just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can't move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result.

Emily Maroutian

If you don't like the sex you're currently having, it's time to take stock of the choices you're making during sex and how that impacts how you feel about sex.

Let’s use the example from earlier: "Like many women, she resents that the sex was initiated at an inconvenient time but feels trapped and can't say no (a choice).” 

If a woman feels trapped, what new choice can she make to feel empowered?

(1) Understand what drives this choice.

Do you say yes because:

• You don’t want to start a fight?

• You feel guilty because it’s been a few weeks, and you need to get sex off your to-do list?

• Saying no means your partner will withhold their love and affection–act cold towards you for the next few days?

(2) Get perspective

Take the emotions out and look at it from a 10,000-foot view and/or from your partner’s perspective. Let’s assume that you say yes because you don’t want to start another fight over sex. Yet if you’re choosing to have sex, it will probably create resentment that you’re doing this against your will.

(3) Be okay with compromise

You don’t want sex at that moment. The yes or no options for sex both carry too many negative fallout. Happy relationships are based on compromise, so how do you meet your partner halfway? Perhaps this is an opportunity for you to use your responsive desire–putting your body into the motions of sex to wake up your sexual desire and arousal.

Or, you can set new boundaries where they need to motivate and help you get more in the mood for sex. For example, you ask your partner to give you a massage to relax you.

(4) Be present when you make the old choice.

Instead of tuning out or becoming upset when you make a choice that no longer serves you. Just be present with it. 

Take a deep breath. As best you can, engage your senses. Focus on having fun. Look for what feels good. When you focus on what’s going right with your sex, it’s easier to make a healthier choice.

Wrap Up

1. Believe that you are not stuck. You do have options.

2. Get perspective

3. Be okay with compromise

4. Be present when you make an old choice.

5. Take a deep breath and make a new choice.

When You're Ready To Step Into Your Sex'cess

1. Watch the FREE Sex Boot Camp Master Class to see if this is a good fit for you. Go here.

2. Get your FREE copy of Sex Boot Camp Masterclass. Go here.

3. Listen and subscribe to the weekly Sensational Sex Podcast. Go here.

4. Join the Sex'cess Community to hang with like minded, groovy women. Go here.

5. Check out the award winning fiction, The Sex Course that went to #1 in its Amazon category three days after launch. Go here.