- Mar 16, 2026
5 Sex'perts Reveal What You Need to Know About Female Sexual Pleasure
- Trina Read
- The Pursuit of Pleasure Podcast
- 0 comments
Female pleasure is not a mystery.
It’s not complicated. It’s not elusive. And it’s definitely not some puzzle your partner has to crack with the right combination of moves and luck.
The reason so many women feel disconnected from their own pleasure isn’t because something is broken. It’s because no one ever made it a priority. Not society, not sex ed, and honestly, not even a lot of women themselves.
That stops now.
I asked five Sex’perts one question. What’s your best tip for female sexual pleasure? And what came back wasn’t a list of techniques or positions. It was something much more interesting than that.
If you’ve been wanting to explore new territory in bed, start with our expert guide on how to ask for what you want
It Starts With Him Getting Out of His Head
A lot of female pleasure issues aren’t actually about the woman at all.
Caitlin flips the whole conversation. Instead of directing her advice at women, she talks about the pressure men put on themselves to perform, and how that pressure quietly sabotages the experience for both people in the room. When a man is stuck in his head, worrying about whether he’s lasting long enough or staying hard enough, he’s not actually with his partner anymore. He’s running worst-case scenarios on a loop. And that cycle feeds itself. The anxiety leads to problems, the problems create more anxiety, and suddenly nobody is having a good time.
The answer isn’t a trick or a technique. It’s presence. Slowing down. Breathing. Staying connected through eye contact instead of retreating into your own head.
“The more that we decrease the need to perform and the need to prove anything… the more we can come back to just being an individual person who has this body, who’s with this lover in this moment.”
When a man stops trying to prove something in bed and starts actually being there, the whole dynamic changes. And Caitlin believes that shift alone would eliminate most of the sexual challenges couples deal with.
Stop Chasing Pleasure and Start Feeling It
If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t seem to feel more during sex, Tilly has an answer that goes way beyond the bedroom.
Most women were taught early on that their feelings were inconvenient. Too big. Too loud. Too messy. So they learned to push them down. They got really good at powering through the uncomfortable stuff and putting a lid on anything that felt like too much. The problem is that you can’t selectively numb. When you shut down your ability to feel the hard things, you also lose access to the good things. Pleasure included.
“Pleasure isn’t a destination, it’s a capacity.”
That reframe changes everything. So many women are trying to force pleasure to happen. They’re performing, pushing, efforting. But pleasure doesn’t work that way. It shows up when you feel safe enough to relax and actually receive what the moment is offering.
Tilly suggests a practice you can try right now. Slow everything down. Take a few deep breaths. Drop the intensity by about 30%. And then ask yourself one question, not “what should I be feeling?” but “what’s actually here right now?” When you build that kind of relationship with sensation in your everyday life, accessing pleasure when you want it becomes so much easier.
Slow Down. No, Even Slower Than That
Leah’s advice sounds simple, and it is. But it’s the mistake almost everyone makes.
You’re going too fast. Not just a little too fast. Way too fast. The biggest error people make when trying to pleasure a woman is rushing straight to what Leah calls the primary erogenous zones. But arousal doesn’t work like a light switch. It builds slowly, and it starts at the edges.
Think about working from the outside in. Hold her hand. Trace the inside of her elbow. Get behind her knees. Run your fingers along her neck, down her side, along the curve of her hips. Wherever there’s a flexible joint, there’s an extra bundle of nerve endings. These secondary erogenous zones are what most people skip entirely, and they’re some of the most sensitive spots on the body.
“You want to arouse a woman from the extremities in… wherever there’s a flexible joint, there’s an extra bundle of nerve endings.”
When you take the scenic route instead of rushing to the destination, everything that follows feels amplified. Arousal actually has somewhere to go.
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Want to Take This Further?
If this conversation is sparking something in you, grab a copy of the 5 Pleasure Secrets of Satisfied Couples Handbook. It’s free, and it’s one of the best starting points for understanding what actually drives satisfying intimacy in a long-term relationship.
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Find Your Own Fire First
Dr. Willow introduces a concept called Shakti, a Sanskrit word for sexual essence and energy. And her whole philosophy is built around one idea that most of us were never taught. Your pleasure is yours to discover. It’s not someone else’s job to create it for you.
Most women grew up believing that the right partner would just know how to turn them on. That great sex was about chemistry, compatibility, and hoping your partner figured it out. Dr. Willow says the opposite is true. The real work is learning what ignites you. Not just which spots on your body respond, but which sensations light you up from the inside.
And this is where it gets fun. Maybe it’s the feeling of something soft dragged across your skin. Maybe it’s a texture you’ve never even considered bringing into the bedroom.
“It’s really a wonderful opportunity to get creative… throw some coconut oil in the mix, my friends, because that is gonna make everything a lot more fun.”
Dr. Willow encourages women to treat their own pleasure like a curiosity project instead of a pass-fail test.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to start asking yourself better questions.
Your Pelvic Floor Is the Missing Piece
Jana brings something to this conversation that most women have genuinely never been told.
Your pelvic floor isn’t just something your physiotherapist mentions in passing. It’s made up of 14 muscles arranged in three layers, and it plays a direct, physical role in whether or not you can orgasm. During orgasm, those muscles need to rapidly contract and relax, anywhere from two to 32 times. If those muscles are too tight (which is common, often from years of over-kegeling) or too weak, the orgasm either can’t build or can’t fully release.
And the part that should make you angry? Jana learned that 90% of pelvic floor dysfunction is a fitness issue, not a medical one. That means it’s fixable. It’s about getting proper blood flow to those muscles. Not surgery, not medication, not “just accepting it.”
Yet so many women have been told that losing orgasms after 40 or 50 is just what happens. Jana calls that what it is. A myth that keeps women settling for less.
“Every single beating heart that lives in a woman’s body is able to orgasm. We just need to understand how.”
That’s not a motivational quote. That’s biology. And once women understand the why behind it, they take action fast.
Ready to Put Jana’s Advice Into Action?
If Jana’s section hit home for you, the Cooch Ball is worth a look. It’s a simple, science-inspired pelvic floor tool designed to release tension, restore circulation, and wake up the muscles most women don’t even know need attention. No kegels, no squeezing, just 3 minutes a day, fully clothed. Over 100,000 women have used it to reclaim bladder control, better intimacy, and stronger sensation. Try the Cooch Ball now.
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The Thread That Connects All Five
Every one of these experts said something different, but they’re all pointing in the same direction. Female pleasure isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something you build.
You build it by being present. By feeling more instead of performing more. By slowing down. By getting curious about your own body. By understanding how pleasure actually works on a physical level. None of this is mysterious and none of it requires a perfect partner or a perfect moment. It just requires you to stop treating your own pleasure like an afterthought.
Pick one thing from this list. Just one. And start there.
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Meet Our Featured Sex’perts
Caitlin V, Intimacy and Relationship Coach
Tilly Storm, Women’s Pleasure, Confidence, and Sexuality Coach
Leah Piper, Relationship and Intimacy Expert, Founder of More Love Works, Tantra and Somatic Coach, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Dr. Willow Brown, Doctor of Chinese Medicine, Taoist Sexology Expert, Co-Host of Sex Reimagined
Jana Danielson, Pelvic Floor and Perimenopause Expert, Founder & CEO of Cooch Ball
