This One Thing Will Make Or Break Your Sex Life

The answer: Sex goes from something that makes a woman feel good to something that makes her feel bad. Guaranteeing that in time, she grows apathetic towards sex, saying things like, "What's the point of having sex when there's little or nothing in the sexual experience for me?"

The problem couples need to solve: Most women cannot tell her partner what she wants or how to do it.

Why Do You Have Sex?

Do you have sex because it makes you feel good? Or do you have sex to make your partner feel good?

Research shows what women want from her getting-to-orgasm experience differs from men. As well, men's and women's orgasms are different. Yet, most women do what their partner wants to do and never ask for something different.

When a woman only ever orgasms like a man, it's a big reason she loses interest in sex.

Why? (1) She doesn't get the sensuality her body craves. (2) She isn't able to orgasm in a way that works for her. Instead, she forces her body to (try to) enjoy a type of sex and orgasm that doesn't satisfy her. Making her orgasm experience is never more than basic and blah.

Yet, women do love to orgasm and want to orgasm during sex.

Let's dig into why a woman in a long-term relationship's orgasm goes from something that brings her a lot of pleasure–to something she avoids. To understand this better, let's use Stacie as a real-life example since seeing things in others is easier.

Stacie's Sex Life

Stacie is 35, married, the mother of two toddlers, and a successful graphic design business owner. Her sex life reads like that of every busy couple: sex was great and effortless when they first met, but it waned after their first year together.

Still, it was good and regular enough until the kids came. Stacie overcame postpartum complications, potty-trained her kids, and kept her marriage and business thriving. But now she is floundering to get her sex life back on track.

Stacie understands the importance of sex and wants the couple's intimacy. Yet, her body doesn't cooperate during sex. She's experiencing the common but not well-known desire discrepancy. That is: A delay in her body's ability to become aroused.

FYI–this delay—or lag—in her desire changes everything about her sexual experience. The point where sex shifts from something that makes Stacie feel good to something that makes her feel bad.

Out of desperation, Stacie had guilt sex to keep her husband happy. Stacie framed sex as a wifely duty, an obligation, a chore that has nothing to do with meeting her sexual needs.

When this shift happened to Stacie, she didn't have a manual on how to respect her desire discrepancy and evolve her sexual experience. So she pressed on and went with what she knew–orgasm-focussed, she-cums-first sex.

Here's the important part: she didn't feel comfortable or confident enough to discuss her changing needs with her husband.

Women like Stacie never asked for more because she:

• Doesn't know how.

• Doesn't feel she deserves it.

• Feels it's too much work.

• Doesn't know what she wants.

Stacie loves her husband and wants her marriage to work, but she hates her sex life.

What Can Stacie Do?

At the start of a relationship, a woman can easily orgasm like a man. Then again, with all those love drugs running through her body, anything will work. But after the love drugs fade, and her libido becomes sporadic, orgasming like a man stopped working.

After a few years of not knowing how to communicate and doing their best to make sex work, women find themselves trapped in the she-cums-first, orgasm-as-the-goal sex. The irony then becomes although Stacie can orgasm, she sometimes does, but mostly doesn't. Why?

Typically, at the initiation of sex, Stacie's mind is going ninety miles an hour. By the time she relaxes and moves from her head and into her body, the sex is over. Stacie, like the majority of women in a long-term relationship, experiences a delayed sexual response–meaning she doesn't want sex when it is initiated, and it will take time to kick start her sexual arousal.

The Orgasm Transition

Somewhere in their long-term relationship, something shifts for many women and her orgasms become mechanical. A woman's body can orgasm without her feeling sexual desire or arousal. It's an automatic response to stimulation, like a sneeze, but with no emotional attachment.

She needs something more but isn't sure what that something is and doesn't know how to communicate the change to her partner. When her partner doesn't notice her dissatisfaction, she became resentful that her sexual experience was about making sure he was sexually satisfied. This resentment soon turns into apathy, and there is no bigger libido killer than being apathetic about sex.

This Is Not About The Orgasm Or Sex

It's about the sex expectations.

Most women don't want the pressure to "she-cums-first" perform and orgasm like a man, on command, with every sexual encounter. You see, the majority of women in long-term relationships experience what is called a delayed sexual response.

Meaning she won't feel like sex when it's initiated, and it will take time before she moves from her head and into her arousal. Being expected to orgasm on command during the she-cums-first time frame isn't enough time for her delayed sexual response.

Often the result of the she-cums-first experience is, ironically, that she doesn't orgasm. If she does orgasm, it's probably mechanical. Women need so much more than a bodily release. If that wasn't enough, then she needs to direct her focus to making sure her partner orgasm–which creates resentment.

Hopefully, it makes sense this one-sided sexual experience creates a negative sexual mindset. Meaning she has a lot of negative thoughts about sex and orgasm, before, during, and after.

Orgasm and sex are neutral. They're neither good nor bad. In the end, our feelings about sex and orgasm are what make it wonderful or underwhelming.

When she comes to believe that sex serves only to fulfill her partner, it creates the sexual narrative, "What's the point of having sex? When there's nothing in it for me."

Her negative sexual mindset will wreak havoc on your sex life. These thoughts disable her body from enjoying sex.

Responsive Desire To The Rescue

When sex is initiated, she needs to appreciate that it's going to take a moment to feel any desire. To help jump-start her desire, she must put her responsive desire into action and put her body into the motions of sex to help her arousal catch up.

Her responsive desire needs to be a team effort. For Stacie to be more sexually engaged, she and her husband need to create a space for sensuality—not just intercourse. To create what Dr. Ian Kerner calls "erotic threads," a simmering of anticipation.

Focus on touch if you don't know what to do or how to start. Non-sexual touch–meaning touch that does not lead to sex. You can do this by giving each other a massage … that doesn't lead to sex. (Many women avoid a massage because she doesn't want the obligation to have intercourse afterward.)

Women's delayed sexual desire and arousal won't magically turn around with one massage. But it's a good start.

Give A No-Strings-Attached Massage

ExSens has a beautiful line of aromatherapy massage oils. Their aromatherapy massage oils are light, absorbent, and delicately scented, perfect for a relaxing, simmering in anticipation, sensual massage.

ExSens aromatherapy massage oils also make great body oils. Ladies, use these oils to get into the habit of nurturing sensuality. Taking care of yourself, moisturizing your skin with a lovely, scented oil, and luxuriating in the moment will help you get back in touch with your body.

Please check out the entire luxurious ExSens sensual product line. Go to the Exsens-usa.com website, use the coupon code SENSUALITY, and get 20 percent off.

My pro tip: sometimes women want a massage that doesn’t have to lead to sex. Some women avoid a massage because she doesn’t want the obligation to have intercourse afterward.

Bottom Line: Women should feel empowered in their relationships to ask to meet her sensual needs. It takes the two of you to figure it out together. When you mix your sex with sensuality, it opens a new, soulful, and connected sexual experience. And suddenly, sex becomes a lot more fun for both of you.