You Deserve a Deep, Soul-Quenching, Mind-Blowing Sex Life

Welcome (back) to the Pursuit of Pleasure

Due to popular demand, I’m bringing all the Pursuit of Pleasure podcasts to Substacks — so, of course, we need to start at episode #1.

Most couples in long-term relationships are stuck having basic sex.

It’s not bad sex, necessarily, just flat, predictable, going-through-the-motions sex. The problem becomes, both partners know it but don’t know how to fix.

I’m Dr. Trina Read, and I’ve spent the better part of 25 years figuring out why the majority of women in long-term relationships lose interest in sex — and, more importantly, what couples can actually do about it. That’s what the Pursuit of Pleasure podcast (and this Substack) is all about. You and I are going on a journey together to unlock the secrets of your sensual pleasure.

Why Millions of Couples Aren’t Sexually Fulfilled

After 25 years of working with couples, I can tell you the orgasm-as-the-goal, she-comes-first approach to sex sets the average couple up for failure. It sounds counterintuitive, I know. On paper it seems generous, even thoughtful. In practice, it throws couples into an intimacy death-spiral that lands them squarely in an apathetic-about-sex rut.

And being stuck in a sex rut is one of the most hopeless feelings a couple can experience. Neither partner is satisfied. Neither is happy. And it feels impossible to climb out.

Except… getting unstuck is actually simple. Almost embarrassingly simple. So why can’t millions — maybe billions — of couples do it?

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STOP settling for “that was fine …”

It’s time to elevate your sex life with the You. Me. Bed. NOW! — 2024 American Book Fest Award Winner! Packed with practical tools, real-life examples, and bold exercises, it offers a simple five-step program that will change how you think about sex, talk about sex, and experience sex.

No shame. No performance pressure. No pretending you’re satisfied when you’re not. Just clarity, confidence, and connection.

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The One Thing Holding Couples Back

Most women aren’t able to ask for what they want in bed. They can’t say, “I’d like something different.” They can’t even always name what “different” would look like.

Don’t believe me? Ask your female partner what she wants from sex. I promise you, she’ll struggle to answer.

It’s stunning that this one thing quietly blocks so many couples from a mutually satisfying sex life. But it also makes sense. For a woman to ask for what she wants in bed is, psychologically, like bushwhacking uphill through a jungle. There’s so much in the way — cultural conditioning, shame, the fear of hurting her partner’s feelings, the worry of seeming “too much,” and the simple fact that she may have never been given permission to explore what pleasure actually means to her.

Layer on top of that the male-centric sex habits most couples have unconsciously built over the years, and you’ve got a recipe for a woman whose needs simply aren’t being met.

This Isn’t A Blame-Game

This isn’t a blame game. Men and women were both handed bad information. If you were taught that 2 + 2 = 5, it’s not your fault you keep getting the equation wrong.

The problem is that women tend to default to what their partner wants and stop advocating for themselves. Sex becomes lopsided. Resentment builds. And the cycle continues.

So what can you do about it?

This Is a Team Effort

The Pursuit of Pleasure Substack is something you read and work through as a couple. Good sex only happens when both partners are invested in making it better.

Your starting place — and the hardest part — is being willing to see your sexual experience as something that evolves rather than something that stays static. Sex is so much more than reaching an orgasm. And for a woman to truly enjoy her sexual experience, you have to shift the focus away from orgasm-as-the-goal and onto her sensuality.

I know. “What does that even mean?” is probably your next question. Closely followed by, “And how am I supposed to find time for this when we’re already so busy?”

That’s exactly what we’ll be exploring together.

What to Expect from the Pursuit Of Pleasure

A curated collection of sensuality products I genuinely believe are high-quality and will help women lean into their sensual side. I’ll walk you through what each one is and how to actually use it, so you feel confident bringing something new into the bedroom. Like this one …

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Ready to turn “same old” into “wait … that was really hot. Let’s do it again!”

Melba is a guided exploration app that offers dozens of immersive 15–30 minute experiences tailored to your mood. No scripts, no pressure, just the two of you exploring together.

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Interviews with sensuality experts, like tantric practitioners, somatic teachers, and others whose wisdom can completely reframe how you approach intimacy.

And a constant reminder that pleasure is subjective. Early in my career, a man asked me what he could do to please his wife. I gave him a list of things I found pleasurable. A week later he came back and told me his wife hated every single one. Great lesson.

What works for one woman may do absolutely nothing for another — and that’s the whole point.

Not everything I share will click for your partnership in this particular season of your life. There will be trial and error. But every single topic will give you a starting point for a conversation about how to evolve your sexual experience together.

And once you land on a few things that do work, a whole new world opens up.

The Question You Need to Answer

What are you willing to do to help her ask?

Because together, we can get women to a place where they feel comfortable asking for the sensuality they want — and then leaning all the way into the pleasure they asked for.

And I promise you this: when a woman opens up her sensuality, the two of you are going to experience a level of sex you didn’t know was possible. There is nothing in life that will give you a deeper sense of emotional intimacy than that kind of soulful connection.

Let’s do this.